Arranged marriage anyone?

I get surprised to see that even today, youngsters are going in for arranged marriages. Not that I have anything against arranged marriages, but in this age and time, when everybody is so aware of what’s happening in the world at the very instant it happens, it becomes a little disconcerting to still see people agreeing to marry a person they have known only for a few days or even hours.

That said, I have heard people talk in hushed tones, about today’s girls’, supposedly impudent, questions to the boys  

a.        “Are there any old furniture (read parents) in your house?”

b.        “Do you have to give up your salary to your parents?”

c.        “What about my salary? Do I also have to give it to you?”

d.        “Do we have to stay with your parents after marriage?”

e.        “Am I allowed to take care of my parents?”

I then actually wonder – are these questions really impudent? I agree, the choice of words is rather unfortunate but the concerns are very real. Have the boys stopped and asked themselves as to why such questions have arisen? Over a period of time, the girls have witnessed the plight of their mothers or aunts or sisters or friends who have suffered for one or the other of these issues. Parents in India do not have the concept of letting their children lead their lives even after their marriage. I, myself, have witnessed many a marriage broken because of the meddling of the parents / siblings. Given these facts, it’s no wonder that the present day, financially independent, empowered woman would want to know whether the guy is a puppet at his parents’ hands.

There has been many a circumstance when the guy is completely controlled by his parents and even his spending power is at the mercy of his parents. Is it any wonder that the girl would like to know, upfront, as to the financial status of the boy? Isn’t her concern about shouldering financial responsibilities together valid?

Believe me when I say that these questions have arisen because of numerous incidents of women suffering as they didn’t and couldn’t have a say in any of the decisions of their own household. As earlier women couldn’t contribute financially to the household, they were treated sub-par and not involved in any critical decisions by their husbands or their in-laws. They couldn’t even take care of their parents and mutely suffered the agony of watching their parents needing financial support and companionship.

All this history has impressed upon the minds of these young girls and they are questioning their would-be partners as to their stance on all these critical issues. I, for one, don’t think this is wrong at all (and I reiterate – the girls could voice their intentions in better, more acceptable terms). The guys need to recognize where these concerns are originating from and address them with empathy.

As more and more girls are embracing being single, it becomes imperative for the guys (if they don’t want to remain single!!) to accept a woman’s right to lead her life with her voice getting heard too.